“The Blind Side” — Reflections on Adoption

Yesterday, we enjoyed our first free weekend afternoon in December by heading to the theater to see “The Blind Side.”  In case you are unfamiliar with the story, as I was before yesterday, here’s the summary from the movie’s website:

Teenager Michael Oher is surviving on his own, virtually homeless, when he is spotted on the street by Leigh Anne Tuohy.  Learning that the young man is one of her daughter’s classmates, Leigh Anne insists that Michael–wearing shorts and a t-shirt in the dead of winter–come out of the cold.  Without a moment’s hesitation, she invites him to stay at the Tuohy home for the night.  What starts out as a gesture of kindness turns into something more as Michael becomes part of the Tuohy family despite the differences in their backgrounds.

Through the course of the story (i.e., Oher’s real life), Michael journeys from a violent, drug-wracked upbringing — where he was in-and-out of the foster care system, attended eleven different schools in nine years, and entered his sophomore year of high school with a 0.6 GPA — to an All-American college football player for Ole Miss and a 2009 NFL first-round draft pick for the Baltimore Ravens.

Perhaps the best short summary is the movie’s trailer itself:

As I sat there in the dark, one hand holding the hand of my 13 year-old daughter and the other holding my 5 year-old son in my lap, the impact of this movie hit home like a freight train…in two ways.

For starters, our daughter has no real grasp of the reality behind the drug and poverty-related violence and lifestyle portrayed in Oher’s upbringing.  Talking about the movie afterward, I realized she had no idea that people lived in very similar circumstances only a few miles from our home.  While she knows intellectually about such things, she has (fortunately) never experienced them first-hand and didn’t really understand how physically close to home such suffering, pain, and hardship really exists.

In addition to my daughter’s epiphany, seeing the violence toward the end of the movie where many of Oher’s acquaintances are gunned down in various drug-related shootings made me hold on to my son even tighter.  In case you didn’t know, we adopted our son from Ukraine in 2007, just over two years ago.  Statistically speaking, like Michael Oher, if our son had stayed where he was, he didn’t stand a chance.  To put it into perspective, here are the statistics (from here):

  • Ukrainian orphans typically grow up in large state-run homes, which may house over 200 children.
  • Many children run away from these homes, preferring to live on the street.
  • Children usually graduate from these institutions between 15 and 16 years old and are turned out, unprepared for life outside the home.
  • About 10% of them will commit suicide after leaving the orphanage before their 18th birthday.
  • 60% of the girls will end up in prostitution. Those who run prostitution rings target orphaned girls, who are especially vulnerable due to their lack of options and lack of people who care what happens to them. Though promised good jobs, they end up on the streets and brothels of cities across Europe.
  • 70% of the boys will enter a life of crime. Many of these will die young of violence or end up in prison. Most inmates contract TB in prison.

The point of these statistics isn’t to pat ourselves on the back for doing something so noble as adopting, far from it.  The point is this:  there are hundreds of millions of children around the world just like Michael Oher and our son.  Some of them live five miles away, some of them live thousands of miles away.

How can we help them?  How could we possibly not?

(photo from https://www.4orphans.com)

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